Why self-compassion is the anxiety tool you didn’t know you needed.

I think it’s because self-compassion and anxiety treatment have A LOT of overlap in their goals.

I think self-compassion helps you navigate self-doubt, which is a MAJOR issue in anxiety disorders.

They both focus on your response. To anxiety and to yourself. And usually both require some unlearning and some new learning.

Self-compassion is actually more complicated than just being nice to yourself. I use a model developed by Neff and Germer which includes 3 related components: self kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Self kindness instead of self-criticism.

We are often internally frustrated with ourselves for feeling anxious, even though anxiety isn’t something we chose to feel.

Learning to be kinder to yourself overall is a huge strength and I think adds to your resilience when you face future obstacles. Because, you’re going to be the person coaching yourself through the next obstacle, and I don’t know about you but I want a coach that is encouraging and believes in me.

Common humanity instead of isolation.

Suffering is inevitable. And so is anxiety. It’s gonna pop up for everyone. It’s inevitable. Anxiety can cause us to withdraw, whether through avoidance or depression, which only makes things worse.

And there can be a lot of healing connection in knowing that you’re not alone. It’s not a YOU thing. It’s a HUMAN thing.

I think for anxiety treatment this also helps us to accept that anxiety will pop up from time to time, so we don’t have to waste effort trying to control for it all the time. And eventually our brain learns we can handle it.

Mindfulness instead of overidentification.

This is probably the biggest part in facilitating growth and healing, in my opinion. Because it teaches you to look at things more objectively, by observing it WITHOUT judgement (of the thoughts/behaviors or yourself).

It allows you to have the courage to look at the really uncomfortable parts and the objectivity to decide what you REALLY need in that moment to create the change you want. Even if you’ve made an error.

It’s like if I miss a game winning free throw and I’m able to not get pulled into the “I suck” and instead “that sucked, but let’s look at my form to see what we can improve on.”

Recovering from anxiety is all about learning to change your response. And I don’t think you can do that without looking at your response to yourself.

It’s a whole new way of relating to the world and to yourself. And a lot of people worry that they will lose their drive or become “soft” if they start being kinder to themselves. But actually you become MORE RESILIENT.

Because you are quite literally better equipped to independently navigate whatever life throws at you!

And the best resource to start with?  

Kristin Neff’s site, (http://self-compassion.org). It’s packed with free tools and insights to help you get started.  

If you vibe with that, grab *The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook* by Kristin Neff and Chris Germer. It’s hands down my most recommended resource as a therapist! It’s practical, approachable, and packed with actionable steps to help you actually use self-compassion in daily life.  

I’ve got a well-worn copy myself and still reach for it regularly.