How I’m currently navigating being an American AND a therapist

I have went back and forth on whether I would say anything. But, I do think it’s important and honestly not a state secret anyway. I guess I have never thought as a therapist that I needed to publicly say this because it’s quite literally in my ethical code but…

I stand for the rights of ALL people regardless of race, sexual orientation, identified gender, status, religion, disability status, national origin, and even political beliefs.

As a therapist I will never push my own beliefs on my clients, but I also won’t promote hate.

And for the first time in my life, I think I truly understand why MLK Jr chose love as a mechanism of change against hate. Because he knew that matching hate with hate wouldn’t create change. And truthfully, I will probably never understand it in the same way as he did, because as a white woman I have a lot of privilege. But, I’m going to choose to borrow from MLK Jr.

By still standing for what I think is right, but in a way that I think will actually help the long term goals of protection for all people. By taking these steps:

1) I plan to approach differing views with curiosity instead of defensiveness.

2) I plan to look for ways that I am connected to people with differing views, instead of it being all or nothing.

Because at the end of the day, I am not personally invested in the life of DJT or Elon or Bernie or any other politician. But, I am invested in the lives of the people in my community. It’s not about them, it’s about you and me showing up for each other.

3) I plan to respectfully set a boundary with my Uncle at holiday dinners saying that we can have a conversation but only if we BOTH agree to these terms:

• listen to the other person’s perspective without trying to sway them or defend our own stance (listen to understand their experience)

• share how it individually impacts our day to day lives instead of big policies because, I want to know why it’s important to YOU

• share our fears and ask for help from person to person instead of between two political parties

And lastly this might sound like it’s toxic positivity, but I think it’s actually recognizing my ability to make choices based on my values and not my fears.

4) I’m going to focus on the small things I can do in my day to day life to live by my values and create small changes in the world.

So I’m still going to hold the door for people, offer my help, say good morning and smile, and tell you what a good dog you have.

Because, those things might seem small, but I do think they have a domino effect that is cumulative.

I’m open to hearing your feedback even if you disagree with me. And honestly, it’s ok if you’re not at a place to listen to someone else’s perspective yet. 

As a therapist I think it’s integral to the work I do that I can hear someone else’s perspective, understand their experience, and support them without saying, “yea, I 100% agree.” 

In other words, I have to be able to hear perspectives and opinions that differ from my own. 

And continue to believe in the goodness of people even if I don’t agree with them. 

Also, this is a key technique in couples therapy is to be able to hear your partner’s perspective with the goal to understand them. Because that’s how you feel connected. But really, because that’s also the best way to have them also listen to your perspective. 

I think that’s all I’ve got for today. So I’m sending you all my love and compassion. And I’ll be channeling MLK Jr from here on out.