Apps-olutely Not!

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Written for Drake University’s publication, Drake Magazine


Love office supplies? Questioning your relationship? There are apps for that, but these definitely aren’t them.

Virtual Stapler – .99

You spend .99 to “click” a virtual stapler which adds to the worldwide staple count on the accompanying website. For the same price, you can just buy a real stapler for a more satisfying click.

Hold On! – Free

Place your finger on a dot on the screen. Follow it around the screen. Get angry when said dot quickly and randomly changes angle and you fail. Repeat until you delete.


EPICBEARD2 is fun and challenging game for a while. You play a knock off Pacman ghost trying to avoid a floating Viking head. The Viking head attempts to squish you with objects that range from bombs to foot hidden within his beard. Soon the fun leaves but the challenge gets more difficult without a way to win in sight.

Is It Dark? – Free

This app uses GPS to alert the user whether it is dark outside or not. Doors and windows still exist, though, presumably, less favored by these users.

Pet Baby – .99

Most people who have fur babies often wonder what Rover or Fluffy would look like as a human child. Pet Baby allows the user to upload a photo of their pet and merge it with the photo of a baby’s face and morph it. Results may vary from adorable to nightmare-inducing.

Chomp: Eating Simulator – Free

The creators call this the “Most realistic eating simulator to date”*. In actuality, this game is far from it. There’s no instruction menu to help figure out how to gain points as random food comes across the screen toward the two halves of a jaw that look like they belong in a children’s dentist office.

Is Your Girlfriend or boyfriend Cheating – .99

If you think your significant other may be cheating, you can do one of two things: Either download this app and answer a series of questions, or you can save the 99 cents and storage space and just breakup with them.



*Quote from Chomp: Eating Simulator

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